February 22, 2013

What's in a date? God's love for me, that's what.

Today (Friday, February 22, 2013) was my due date with baby #3. It’s been 5 months and a week. I don’t know if I (or any other woman who miscarries) ever fully heals those wounds to the heart, though our lives go on, and I thought today would be really hard. But what I am finding is that hard days are a surprise, not a fixed calendar appointment. Some days I don’t grieve at all. And there are days like Sunday. Nothing particularly special about it, except that under other circumstances I would either have been big as a brick house, in the hospital, or at home cuddling with my newest child. Those thoughts, hope and dreams that are no more, still hurt.

We sang worship songs that morning that touched my soul, and I got to worship through my tears my Creator and Sustainer. They reminded me of how great and wonderful my God is, and how He loves me individually. He cares about my hurts, and I can bring them to him, “cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7). It’s not that as a believer I don’t feel pain or suffer from the events of life- I have the sore eyes and a husband’s stained shoulder to prove it, but I have a heavenly perspective and know that this life is not all there is to offer. And my hope is not placed in people, no matter how special they are to me.

Studying this week, I ran across a passage I underlined many years ago in Arthur Pink’s The Attributes of God on God’s faithfulness. What providence.
There are seasons in the lives of all when it is not easy, no not even for Christians, to believe that God is faithful. Our faith is sorely tried, our eyes bedimmed with tears, and we can no longer trace the outworkings of His love. … Cherished plans have been thwarted… We are staggered. … and now a dark cloud hides Him from us. … Ah, faltering soul, severely tried fellow pilgrim, seek grace to heed Isaiah 50:10, “Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.” … Though you cannot now harmonize God’s mysterious dealings with the avowals of His love, wait on Him for more light. In His own good time He will make it plain to you. … God has neither forsaken nor deceived His child. “Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are those who will wait for him.” (Isaiah 30:18).

Pink goes on to quote 2 Timothy 1:12, “I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me” and says “When we trustfully resign ourselves, and all our affairs into God’s hands, fully persuaded of His love and faithfulness, the sooner shall we be satisfied with His providences and realize that “He does all things well.”

While I did not feel abandoned or unable to see God working in the midst of my miscarriage, I certainly did feel the hand of the Lord on my life like no other time, this passage was a really good reminder to rely and wait on God because He is faithful. His promises are all over the Bible, and He fulfills them all. The LORD is at work in my life to work all things for good, to make me more like Jesus Christ in my faith, character, and actions. I am thankful for His graciousness to me, and I am reminded once again how blessed I am.

1 comment:

Teresa Hammer said...

Mel, You have done such an amazing job articulating your feelings throughout this journey. It is every parent’s worst nightmare and something not many talk about, even though we all know somebody who has gone through it. I’m proud of you, and will always miss the littlest Spaid.